( Original article where The Guardian's Stuart O'Connor interviewed John Lloyd for their Technology section's regular 'Celebrity Squares' feature here: http://bit.ly/iPMXpQ )
Note - I read the Guardian regularly via my phone and online. I subscribe to their Technology news because I'm a bit of a geek. The down side of this is that I regularly found myself reading Celebrity Squares, which poses a series of questions (the same ones every time) to celebrities of varied reknown. These questions, particularly question 10, seem designed to inspire arguments in the comments section online, and countless posters frequently take the bait, spawning a boring and unnecessary argument over who makes the best computers/phones/whatever. I was supposed to be working, it was the weekend, and I stopped to read this particular article and its inane comments, and lost my temper a bit, and wrote the following smug pisstake...
Note - I read the Guardian regularly via my phone and online. I subscribe to their Technology news because I'm a bit of a geek. The down side of this is that I regularly found myself reading Celebrity Squares, which poses a series of questions (the same ones every time) to celebrities of varied reknown. These questions, particularly question 10, seem designed to inspire arguments in the comments section online, and countless posters frequently take the bait, spawning a boring and unnecessary argument over who makes the best computers/phones/whatever. I was supposed to be working, it was the weekend, and I stopped to read this particular article and its inane comments, and lost my temper a bit, and wrote the following smug pisstake...
Guardian reader bishely is bored at work and sick of the age-old flamewar these stupid 'technology' questions seem - with depressing inevitability - to provoke.
1) What's your favourite piece of technology, and how has it improved your life?
The wheel. Without it, I can't imagine how different my life would be. I'm not a big fan of riding horses, and certainly wouldn't want to have to use one for my daily commute. God knows how Tesco would do their home delivery, either.
The wheel. Without it, I can't imagine how different my life would be. I'm not a big fan of riding horses, and certainly wouldn't want to have to use one for my daily commute. God knows how Tesco would do their home delivery, either.
2) When was the last time you used it, and what for?
Just this morning - I took a bus into the office.
Just this morning - I took a bus into the office.
3) What additional features would you add if you could?
Nothing - it just works.
Nothing - it just works.
4) Do you think it will be obsolete in 10 years' time?
While I still hold out hopes for the hoverboard or (better yet) a Star Trek transporter, I think wheels will be with us for some time to come.
While I still hold out hopes for the hoverboard or (better yet) a Star Trek transporter, I think wheels will be with us for some time to come.
5) What always frustrates you about technology in general?
People bitching and whining about which flavour of the EXACT SAME TECHNOLOGY is better. We're living in a world where we can connect to a global network, and use it to buy things, explore new ideas and communicate with other people everywhere, and slip the device that does all of this (and more) into our back pockets without ruining our jeans or crippling ourselves - and still people can't just appreciate the incredible advances our species has made in the last forty years without reverting to prehistoric tribalism over petty little details of personal taste. It's like arguing whether red or blue wheels are best.
People bitching and whining about which flavour of the EXACT SAME TECHNOLOGY is better. We're living in a world where we can connect to a global network, and use it to buy things, explore new ideas and communicate with other people everywhere, and slip the device that does all of this (and more) into our back pockets without ruining our jeans or crippling ourselves - and still people can't just appreciate the incredible advances our species has made in the last forty years without reverting to prehistoric tribalism over petty little details of personal taste. It's like arguing whether red or blue wheels are best.
6) Is there any particular piece of technology that you have owned and hated?
No. Next question.
No. Next question.
7) If you had one tip about getting the best out of new technology, what would it be?
Spend more time learning to use it, and less time worrying how others see you for using x instead of y, or evangelising to others about x's superiority.
Spend more time learning to use it, and less time worrying how others see you for using x instead of y, or evangelising to others about x's superiority.
8) Do you consider yourself to be a luddite or a nerd?
No.
No.
9) What's the most expensive piece of technology you've ever owned
My house.
My house.
10) Mac or PC, and why?
FFS. See question five.
FFS. See question five.
11) Do you still buy physical media such as CDs and DVDs, or do you download? What was your last purchase?
No. And the guardian iphone app, which I'm beginning to regret, as I spend half of my time on it copying links into the browser just to post snarky responses to the stupid articles, and the ever-more-stupid bickering they seem to incite, then later hating myself for joining in with the bickering.
No. And the guardian iphone app, which I'm beginning to regret, as I spend half of my time on it copying links into the browser just to post snarky responses to the stupid articles, and the ever-more-stupid bickering they seem to incite, then later hating myself for joining in with the bickering.
12) Robot butlers – a good idea or not?
For them to be any good, they'd probably have to be sentient, and once they're sentient we really ought to be either paying them or serving them. Programming them to enjoy helping us is probably just applying a rose-tinted veneer over slavery. So no. Robot Prime Ministers, perhaps.
For them to be any good, they'd probably have to be sentient, and once they're sentient we really ought to be either paying them or serving them. Programming them to enjoy helping us is probably just applying a rose-tinted veneer over slavery. So no. Robot Prime Ministers, perhaps.
13) What piece of technology would you most like to own?
A hoverboard, or a transporter. Or maybe a guardian iphone app that allows me to post comments with the caveat that I and every other commentor could see how much of our lives we'd each spent reading, getting emotional and then crafting ill-advised responses to the article and other comments. I reckon this has just taken me ten minutes closer to death, so I sincerely hope it hasn't been for nothing.
A hoverboard, or a transporter. Or maybe a guardian iphone app that allows me to post comments with the caveat that I and every other commentor could see how much of our lives we'd each spent reading, getting emotional and then crafting ill-advised responses to the article and other comments. I reckon this has just taken me ten minutes closer to death, so I sincerely hope it hasn't been for nothing.
• bishely wrote this stupid comment, when he should've been getting urgent work done, because it's a Saturday and he can't be bothered. He also better spends his time messing around with music software on his computer (a hackintosh build that runs OSX, Win7 and Linux, if you must know). He would tell you where you can get hold of his music, but he hates 'celebrities' using this stupid 'celebrity squares' series of articles to flog their stuff, and is hoping to lead by example with the above.
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